Quotes & Jokes about Life

48 quotes

"Wait up!" That's what kids say. They don't say "wait", they say "Wait up! Hey, wait up!" 'Cause when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I'll clean up! Let me stay up!" Parents of course are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down."

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Drugs are so fucking good that they'll ruin your life.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

People say 'my phone sucks.' No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.

I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

You only live once, but once is more than enough if you live it well!

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.

I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Life is a zero sum game.

When people say "life is short". What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What can you do that's longer?

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.