Quotes & Jokes about Life
"Wait up!" That's what kids say. They don't say "wait", they say "Wait up! Hey, wait up!" 'Cause when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I'll clean up! Let me stay up!" Parents of course are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down."
When people say "life is short". What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What can you do that's longer?
People say 'my phone sucks.' No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.
Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.
You only live once, but once is more than enough if you live it well!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.