Quotes & Jokes about Life
"Wait up!" That's what kids say. They don't say "wait", they say "Wait up! Hey, wait up!" 'Cause when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I'll clean up! Let me stay up!" Parents of course are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down."
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
People say 'my phone sucks.' No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.
When people say "life is short". What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What can you do that's longer?
My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.
I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.
I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.
Drugs are so fucking good that they'll ruin your life.
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
You only live once, but once is more than enough if you live it well!
Your kids should not affect my life at all, but they do; I have to pay for HBO just to hear a comedian say "fuck" to protect your kids.