Quotes & Jokes about People

47 quotes

A lot of people say that it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer "fuck".

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

Not all children are smart and clever, got that? Kids are like any other group of people: a few winners... a whole lot of losers.

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

People say to me, "Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves." Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: it attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

I’m at a very frustrating point in my career because I’m not a millionaire. Like, people assume because you’re in movies or TV, you’re rich. I’m not rich, but I’m far from broke. I’m what you call a ‘thousandaire.’

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

Stereotypes wouldn't be so bad if black people were nicer, in general.