Quotes & Jokes about People

47 quotes

A lot of people say that it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer "fuck".

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

Not all children are smart and clever, got that? Kids are like any other group of people: a few winners... a whole lot of losers.

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

People say to me, "Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves." Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: it attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.