Quotes & Jokes about People

47 quotes

A lot of people say that it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer "fuck".

Not all children are smart and clever, got that? Kids are like any other group of people: a few winners... a whole lot of losers.

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

People say to me, "Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves." Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: it attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Stereotypes wouldn't be so bad if black people were nicer, in general.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, "I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with."

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.