You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?
Quote by Dom Irrera:
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Why are a "wise man" and a "wiseguy" opposites?
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
I have a lot of pot tendencies. I'm always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch "Jeopardy!" with the sound off and make up my own questions.
Money's scarce, Times are hard, Here's your fucking Xmas card.
By the way, everything I say is wrong; I'm a complete hypocrite. I've dated girls with boob jobs, breast enlargements, but she was an A cup and that's gross. Get it fixed girls, you're not even a real woman.