Quotes & Jokes about Friends

35 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

I, ah... this abortion issue in the States is dividing the country right in half. You know, and even amongst my friends - we're all highly intelligent - they're totally divided on the issue of abortion. Totally divided. Some of my friends think these pro-life people are just annoying idiots. Other of my friends think these pro-life people are evil fucks. How are we gonna have a consensus? I'm torn. I try and take the broad view and think of them as evil, annoying fucks.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

A lot of my friends, when girls break up with them, they get all bitter and vengeful and take it out on the girl. They, like, call her at four o'clock in the morning, going, 'Bitch.' Like she doesn't know who it is? Yeah, for a second, she's like, 'Grandpa?'

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.

It’s gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I’m like, "Alright, but where’s the loyalty, man. I’ve known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?"

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out - that's the goal.

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.