Quotes & Jokes about Friends

35 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

I, ah... this abortion issue in the States is dividing the country right in half. You know, and even amongst my friends - we're all highly intelligent - they're totally divided on the issue of abortion. Totally divided. Some of my friends think these pro-life people are just annoying idiots. Other of my friends think these pro-life people are evil fucks. How are we gonna have a consensus? I'm torn. I try and take the broad view and think of them as evil, annoying fucks.

Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

A lot of my friends, when girls break up with them, they get all bitter and vengeful and take it out on the girl. They, like, call her at four o'clock in the morning, going, 'Bitch.' Like she doesn't know who it is? Yeah, for a second, she's like, 'Grandpa?'

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out - that's the goal.