My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.
Quote by Flip Wilson:
Quotes by other comedians
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'
Gay marriage - I am so against it because all my gay friends are out. And if they get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.