Quotes & Jokes about Birthday

30 quotes

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over...

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.

That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: "I give you the world. Have fun blowing it up."

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

It was my friend's birthday and I was mad at him, so I sent him a card. It said happy birthday, but I put quotes around the word "'Happy"... sarcastic birthday, douche bag.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes.

Kenny G will be releasing a CD fully comprised of Christmas songs. Happy birthday, Jesus - hope you like crap.