Quote by Joan Rivers:

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Short bio
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, known professionally as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host. She was noted for her often controversial comedic persona—heavily self-deprecating and sharply acerbic, especially towards celebrities and politicians.

All quotes by Joan Rivers

Quotes by other comedians

We’ve been on a long break and I’ve just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.

Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked.

It's common courtesy; he's doing most of the work; you've got to encourage him.

You might be a redneck if you use your fishing license as a form of ID.

I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.