They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
Quote by Norm Macdonald:
Quotes by other comedians
I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that.
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.