Quote by Phyllis Diller:

Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, “A teaspoon before going to bed,” and in one day he uses seven bottles.

Comedian
Short bio
Phyllis Ada Diller was an American actress and comedienne, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.

All quotes by Phyllis Diller

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You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!