Quote by Phyllis Diller:


Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, “A teaspoon before going to bed,” and in one day he uses seven bottles.

Comedian
Short bio
Phyllis Ada Diller was an American actress and comedienne, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.

All quotes by Phyllis Diller

Quotes by other comedians

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. "I was here dammit!" Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. "Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone’s concerned this whole thing never happened."

At the time I had a basic setup, basic cable if you will.He had the holy shit premier package.