The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
Quote by Woody Allen:
Quotes by other comedians
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
A lot of people were surprised that Ford picked Nelson Rockefeller to run with him. After all, Rocky had tried to get the job of president three times himself. That's like asking Morris the Cat to watch your tuna salad.
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewellery.