Quotes & Jokes by John Bishop
On Courtney Love: I was only in her company two hours, but I can’t blame that Kurt Cobain fella.
Edinburgh is the only place you can be sunburned and get trench foot on the same day.
I’ve lived in Manchester since my 20s and I’ve only been in three fights –not a bad average.
On his teenage son: To be honest, I’m not sure the same kid comes home each night.
I have been privileged to get to know Kenny Dalgish and I would call him a friend – though his lawyer would call me a stalker (I don’t know why – just because I was in his garden!).
There are some muscles I don’t think I need my personal trainer to find as I won’t be using them at my age anyway
“It must be cool having a dad who’s a comedian,” I overheard a friend say. “No,” came my son’s reply. “He’s a knob.”