Quotes & Jokes by Kevin Hart
You like cheese without the corners, in other words you’ll never be a slice bitch!
I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face.
So I'm at the office, I tell this guy...Pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn't, I can't staple anythin'.
One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That's how you know it didn't go as you planned.
How do people shit on themselves when they are sleeping? That's some nasty shit....like what kinda sick dream were you having that caused that.
Well u tell cancer I said I'ma shoot him twice me, by myself, all day, everyday, wakeup, go back to sleep, you wanna go night night nigga? everybody go night night everybody go night night
Ever argue with a female and in the middle of the argument you no longer feel safe… You know what my girl will do? When she get mad, she’ll start talking in third person. That’s scary as hell because that’s her way of telling me that from this point on she’s not responsible for none of her actions.
I just got punked by a homeless man, he asked me 4 some $ so I gave him $5..this bitch had the nerve 2 say "WTF am I suppose 2 do with this" I then said "Get sumthin 2 eat" he then said "I don't want 2 eat no fucking fast food shit, that shit will have me shitting on the streets"
Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. That's scary as hell because that's her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.
Who ever invented ALCOHOL should be shot immediately, Hangovers are the worst... I swear it feels like a fat baby is kicking me in the head.
These glasses are way 2 big for my damn face! I look like I got on a damn Tinted Construction Mask.