Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 18
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.
That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Mick Jagger fucks young girls for a reason. He can. Believe me, plumbers his age would do the same thing if they could. Men are only as loyal as their options.
If I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush administration talking points, that's not information or entertainment, it's Fox News!
Isn't Bush the worst president ever? I mean, when his term is over, he has to walk back to Texas.
And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today.
Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?
I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.
Why couldn't, uh, why couldn't have Rush Limbaugh croaked from it instead of Heath Ledger?
The Bible, if you read it, looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs. “And then God made woman out of a rib. A rib! Look at that.”
In my day, girls used to get pinned in high school. That was the big thing. Now they’re getting nailed.
I have never done heroin. I wouldn’t recommend heroin. But it hasn’t hurt my record collection.