Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 17

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

Again, America is a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.

I know a whole generation has been raised on the notion of multiculturalism; that all civilizations are just different. No! Not always. Sometimes things are better! Rule of law is better than autocracy and theocracy; equality of the sexes, better; protection of minorities, better; free speech, better; free elections, better; free appliances with large purchases, better! Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

New Rule: Stop whining about the French. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to the Bush administration and that's more than I can say about the Democrats!

A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.

You can’t be a rational person six days a week and on one day of the week, go to a building, and think you are drinking the blood of a two thousand year old space god. That doesn’t make you a person of faith, that makes you a schizophrenic.

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

I think we all remember that those first months after the attack, this country really was a very different country. I think we were ready to do anything. I think we would have marched into hell behind this guy... I think nobody in a position of leadership, not the Democrats, not the president, asked anyone in this country to rethink or redo anything. The most they asked us to do was to keep the economy going, to shop and go see shows again and travel.