Quotes & Jokes by Carlos Mencia / page 3
During the riots, blacks and Mexicans showed how smart we are. They told us where to go steal shit. We ran to K-Mart, loaded up with shit. Walked out the door. And then we did interviews with evidence in our hands. I'm watching the news going, "Fuck Armando! Put the radio down!"
I love mullets. The other day, in Pittsburgh, I saw the greatest mullet I've ever seen. I can't describe it. It was just the mullet of all time; complete 'business in the front, party in the back.' I've never seen anything like it.
You know what they said in California? I saw it on C-Span - people we vote for - this is what they said, 'I propose that we kick all of the illegal aliens out of this country. Then we build a super-fence so they can't get back in.' And I went, 'Um, who's gonna build it?'
I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.
When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.
Blacks and Mexicans do the dumbest shit. The dumbest genocide. Killing each other other fuckin' gang territory that doesn't even belong to us. But when its comes to those crazy "I'll kill 30 kids, bury them under my house and dress up like a clown", white people you take the cake on that shit... Of all the people who got fired from the post office and came to shoot the post office up, how many of them were Black or Mexican? None. And we get fired all the fucking time.
Every single man in this room has crapped his pants. There is not a man in here that has not done that. Sometimes we don't even know when it happens. Sometimes we take off our underwear and go, 'Oh my God, where did that come from?' That's where the term 'holy shit' comes from.
I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh.
When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless. When black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.