Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 5

There's a lot of racism going on. Who's more racist, black people or white people? It's black people! You know why? Because we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people.

Doctors don't cure shit! They don't cure shit! The last disease doctors cured was polio, when's the last time you met someone with polio?

When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.

Everybody needs a prenuptial agreement. People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup. Oh no! You got 20 million and your wife want 10, big deal! You ain’t starvin’. But if you make 30,000… and your wife want 15, you might have to kill her.

The only reaction that frightens me is people not laughing. It's extraordinary to me when you get a laugh. That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison - that's amazing. It's a miracle.

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"

Women don't care, man. If the beat's all right, she will dance all night! I've seen girls on the floor dancing to the nastiest shit ever made. It's like, "Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! … I put a dick in the ear, a dick in the ear! … Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! … Blind the bitch, blind the bitch!"

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day - that's pretty much what today's comedy is about.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

This movie's so good I gotta bust a cap in it!

George Bush has fucked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra... anything but another white man! That last one fucked up my roof!"

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "guns"? Congressional hearing. "Oh, my God, that nigger said gun, and he rhymed it with fun"!