Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 6
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "guns"? Congressional hearing. "Oh, my God, that nigger said gun, and he rhymed it with fun"!
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
Do you know? What the fuck do women want? l know what you want: everything.
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.
It's got some heart, but it's got hard jokes. I care more about the hard jokes than the heart.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.