Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 9
I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you work alone. Movies have to go under so much scrutiny. A stand-up special is a vision, and a movie is a consensus in a lot of ways.
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
Once you're married, kiss all your dreams good-bye and "make the bitch happy." Good relationship is simply eating and fucking.
I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.