Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 10

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Once you're married, kiss all your dreams good-bye and "make the bitch happy." Good relationship is simply eating and fucking.

Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.

If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person.

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.