Quotes & Jokes by Dave Attell / page 7
The sun comes up and so does your dick. Cause at heart your dick's a farmer!
I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, "son, move over." "And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…" my eye!
Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on. I've heard good stories about Syracuse; this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.
Oopsy diddly. Pardon me madams, did I get me rah rah juice on your peepers?
Some people are against porno and I say, “Hey, whatever a man and a woman and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that’s their business.”
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.
When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal... and you wonder why the attack you. Because of that man, and its up to me and a half mexican to stop him!
And everything's over when your grandma walks in, get that dick outta the fish tank! Time for supper!