Quotes & Jokes by David Letterman / page 10
Oprah's last show was today. On her last show, Oprah explained why she canceled the Apocalypse.
There was a time in this country when a whoop-de-doo was illegal.
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
Now all of us can talk to the NSA - just by dialing any number.
God forbid those kids won't have something to suck on all night!
The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
Boys and girls, maybe you should stay in the house if you're having trouble with the phrases 'hot' and 'tasty.'
Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
The world's oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed.
In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.
Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.
Fall is my favourite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colour and fall from the trees.