Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 5
Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of "Whole Lotta Love."
The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn't make his bones laying down for punks...
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life.