Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 9
Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit.
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
You know, folks, the French have always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends, and almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
If you want somebody to repair your roads, educate your kids, or purify your water supply, you may want to turn to private enterprise, but if you want massive fuckloads of your enemies wiped out in record time, Uncle Sam is the man for you.
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.
It's a shame about the fish, it's a shame about the lake. But it'd be worse if it burst and people died.
At one time, Washington actually meant something. But now, it's about as relevant as Bob Dylan's tuning fork.
Amtrak announced this week that they plan to install cable TV into their sleeper births. Great. So now you can watch your derailment live on CNN.
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.
South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.