Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 8
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.
I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.
Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit.
The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
Do you think that during the Dust Bowl in the 1930's in the Midwest people thought "Wow, this must be global warming" or did they just think "Fuck, it hasn't rained in a while."