Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory / page 3
A politician is a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.
I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.
I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.
A Klaner (KKK) is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.
When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.
I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn't have what I wanted.
To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.
And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.
America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.
I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.
Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.