Dick Gregory Quotes and Jokes

74 quotes

Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

If a man calls me a nigger, he is calling me something I am not. The nigger exists only in his own mind; therefore his mind is the nigger. I must feel sorry for such a man.

Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.'

A Klaner (KKK) is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.

I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

King was really telling us it's not about love, it's about being lovable. 'I love you baby and if I can't have you no one else will is frightening,' but once you become lovable we become safe and that's where I think we'll end up.

Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.