Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory / page 5

When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.

When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, 'I've been gypped,' or, 'He welshed on the deal.'

It's cool to be healthy.

We do not believe, had he been white, that he would be dead. And when we black folks say to America that we're not going to tolerate it, it's going to stop.

I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'

Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.

Dear Momma - Wherever you are, if ever you hear the word 'nigger' again, remember they are advertising my book.

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.

In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

You're looking at something that is going to revolutionize the whole world.

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.

I meet so many young folks who say, “If I got to go and die in a war at 18, I want the right to vote at 18.” Don’t be no damn fool. You got to die at 18, you better fight to get the right to vote at 17.