Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles / page 3

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

I was a mother's boy.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

I never went out looking for glory.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.