Don Rickles Quotes and Jokes

62 quotes

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

Showbiz is great if you're successful.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.