Don Rickles Quotes and Jokes


Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

Showbiz is great if you're successful.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.