Quotes & Jokes by Eddie Izzard / page 10
You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!”
Fox hunting, there's big fox hunting thing, there’s arguments in Britain about fox hunting. And they go around. They obviously hunt foxes because the foxes, they attack chickens. And posh people have an alliance with chickens just like in the First World War.
She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"
Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she?
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
Mr. Charles Darwin, who looked a bit like God which is interesting, wrote a book called You're a Fucking Money, Mate. He played around with the title for a while: We're All Fucking Monkeys; You're a Fucking Monkey, Mate; Get Out of My Face, You Fucking Monkey. And he ended up with On The Origin of Species.