Quotes & Jokes by Ellen DeGeneres / page 11
Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and then run away.
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.
I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television.
Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn't want to have a child. I knew I didn't want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I'm around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night.
Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us.
People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now.