Quotes & Jokes by Greg Giraldo / page 7

Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?

On Jeff Ross: “You’re fattening faster than you’re aging. You’re like the Curious Case of Benjamin Glutton”

Can’t have a favorite. Can’t let them know know if you do. I don’t. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

You’re a walking tumor. Actually, it’s a big deal when you spot a tumor.

My house is on fire... marshmallows!

[When discussing a Florida woman denied a drivers license for refusing to remove her Burka and head covering] You know, I think they should give her the license, but then, it should only be good for flying carpets.