Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 13
A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it’s possible that "less than no one" thinks they’re doing a good job.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.
Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up. I'm ready to move on.
Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans...
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for up to 3-4 minutes a time!
Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
When we started this show, my hair was black and the president was white. When we started the show, Jon and Kate were both eight.
According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.
If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me.
Ratings for the XFL are so low that pretty soon they'll be able to address the viewers by name.
Did you know that the spunge is the household-tool with the most bacteria? See, single guys know this. "Honey, I would like to wash the dishes, but it's just not hygienic."
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.