Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 15
Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore.
A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $16M for two people who for eight years couldn't remember anything.
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take "a harder stance" on the death penalty. What's a harder stance on the death penalty? We're already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair?
Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.
Be honest. How many of you never heard of Marco Rubio until last night? How many thought Marco Rubio was a game you played in a pool with the kids?
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.
In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea for him to go to Iraq? You thought Bush didn't have a reason to bomb Iraq before.
So China's president Hu Jintao meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?"
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.