Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 3
Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.
You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
You might be a redneck if... you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
This one goes out to the fathers and uncles out there. Your shorts should be longer than your underwear! Especially if you wear tighty-whities. No one wants to look over at Uncle Fred and see something that looks like a baby bird.
You might be a redneck if you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver.
If you think the stock market has a fence around it, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You might be a redneck if your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if... you've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.