Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 5
I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.
You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
For a long time, because it goes against the message that the advertising world sends to you, they were ashamed they didn't have the coolest clothes, the coolest cars, couldn't afford to go here, buy this and do that. I think we finally all got together and went, 'You know what? We like being this way.'
The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
You might be a redneck if directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic - bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta - the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.
You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.