Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 7

You might be a redneck if you know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

I’ve got keys to crap I’ve never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You might be a redneck if... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if you use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

You might be a redneck if fewer than half of your cars run.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"