Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 12
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a "with" in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.
We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.
That is amazing! I mean these CEOs saying their own businesses are doing OK! I mean, it makes sense to take these CEOs word for it. For instance, I know O.J. Simpson. He told me he didn't kill anyone and he should know, he was there!
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
The currency of this show is your own head. They've established a certain structure here, but it's still in evolution.
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.