Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 12
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.
We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.
I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it’s too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.
I think you are looking at sexuality and not attributes, and I think it's odd because the conservative mantra is a meritocracy. And I think what you're suggesting is the fact that being gay parents makes you not as good as others. And I would suggest that a loving, gay family with a financially secure background beats the hell out of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline any day of the week.