Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 12
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
He's not stupid ... he's not a retarded man ... he just doesn't give a shit about you, or anything.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
That is amazing! I mean these CEOs saying their own businesses are doing OK! I mean, it makes sense to take these CEOs word for it. For instance, I know O.J. Simpson. He told me he didn't kill anyone and he should know, he was there!
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.