Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 11
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.
The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a "with" in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.