My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up.
Phyllis Diller Quotes and Jokes
If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.