My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up.
Phyllis Diller Quotes and Jokes
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Feminism is doomed to failure because it is based on an attempt to repeal and restructure human nature.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.