My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up.
Phyllis Diller Quotes and Jokes
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Feminism is doomed to failure because it is based on an attempt to repeal and restructure human nature.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.