Redd Foxx Quotes and Jokes

51 quotes

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

You see, I can’t, on account of my Arthritis.

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.

The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent.

My first wife, I'll never forget her - and I've tried.

I'm callin' you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

I feel right at home on this roast with you guys. It's like being in the ghetto... because in the ghetto you get stabbed in the back by total strangers too!

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

I'm gonna put five of these where you sneeze.

Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.

I ain’t from Africa. I’m from St. Louis.

This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!

Hazel, if I hit you in the mouth, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the amulance.