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Redd Foxx Quotes & Jokes

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle.

I'm callin' you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with.

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

My first wife, I'll never forget her - and I've tried.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

When you see the handwriting on the wall, your in the toilet.

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America - that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved.

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

I ain’t from Africa. I’m from St. Louis.

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent.

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.

Fred was a funny kid, and I got a lot of humor from him. For a while, we were in a Catholic school up in Milwaukee, and Fred used to get laughs pulling an electric iron around the floor, like dragging a dog on a leash. Every day he had a new thing going with the iron. Fred was a great ball player too. He tried out with the Chicago White Sox, but that was years before Jackie Robinson made the break, and he was too early.

You’re going into business with that Puerto Rican? You ought to call yourselves “Julio and Big Foolio.”

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.