Redd Foxx Quotes and Jokes

51 quotes

I'm callin' you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle.

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America - that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved.

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Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

When you see the handwriting on the wall, your in the toilet.

My first wife, I'll never forget her - and I've tried.

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Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

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Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.

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The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent.

I ain’t from Africa. I’m from St. Louis.

We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with.

If I go over there I might have a heart attack when I see he’s dead. If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing. So, whether I stay or I go, I go.

You’re going into business with that Puerto Rican? You ought to call yourselves “Julio and Big Foolio.”

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.

I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.

I am 65, my friends say I look 55, I feel 45, I'll settle for 35, and you make me feel 25!

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