Sandra Bernhard Quotes and Jokes


Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with.

My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.

I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.

They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.

There will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again.

The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.

Gay pride's beautiful. If somebody needs to be expressing that, then it's a positive thing.

I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.

Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

You reach a certain point in your 30s when you say things in a much safer way.

New York has always been a sense of eclectic kind of freedom and expression on a lot of different levels.

It's nobody's business how you do something.

I hate to judge everybody across the board.