Sandra Bernhard Quotes and Jokes


Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.

There will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again.

The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.

Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.

Gay pride's beautiful. If somebody needs to be expressing that, then it's a positive thing.

You reach a certain point in your 30s when you say things in a much safer way.

I didn't belong when I was in high school. Now people are trying to buy lips.

Gay men, if they've been straight and turn gay, they're gay, honey.

I'm trying to appeal to the disenfranchised everybody, not just specifically gay.

Purim, one of my favorite holidays. It's like the original drag queen's holiday. It's when all the Jewish men go for it and feel no guilt for a change.

They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.

It's usually a spiritual thing that's preventing somebody from having happiness.