Sandra Bernhard Quotes and Jokes


Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.

They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.

There will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again.

The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.

Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.

Gay pride's beautiful. If somebody needs to be expressing that, then it's a positive thing.

Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

You reach a certain point in your 30s when you say things in a much safer way.

New York has always been a sense of eclectic kind of freedom and expression on a lot of different levels.

I didn't belong when I was in high school. Now people are trying to buy lips.

Gay men, if they've been straight and turn gay, they're gay, honey.

I think people are a little bit intimidated by me. You know, I'm not exactly a wilting flower, so I think they're a little bit scared of me sometimes.