Sandra Bernhard Quotes and Jokes


Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.

Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.

Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.

When you're collaborating with somebody who's got a lot of stuff they haven't worked out yet, you're working out their vision as well.

There will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again.

The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.

New York has always been a sense of eclectic kind of freedom and expression on a lot of different levels.

Gay pride's beautiful. If somebody needs to be expressing that, then it's a positive thing.

I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.

You reach a certain point in your 30s when you say things in a much safer way.

It's nobody's business how you do something.