Quotes & Jokes by Adam Carolla / page 4

I would like one day to not only pop a hymen but actually pull the plastic off the vagina, unwrap the vagina.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.