Quotes & Jokes by Adam Carolla / page 4

I would like one day to not only pop a hymen but actually pull the plastic off the vagina, unwrap the vagina.

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.