Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 18
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?
If I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush administration talking points, that's not information or entertainment, it's Fox News!
And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today.
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Isn't Bush the worst president ever? I mean, when his term is over, he has to walk back to Texas.
Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.
I think we all remember that those first months after the attack, this country really was a very different country. I think we were ready to do anything. I think we would have marched into hell behind this guy... I think nobody in a position of leadership, not the Democrats, not the president, asked anyone in this country to rethink or redo anything. The most they asked us to do was to keep the economy going, to shop and go see shows again and travel.
I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.
Why couldn't, uh, why couldn't have Rush Limbaugh croaked from it instead of Heath Ledger?
When I was in college I had this hippie girlfriend and she said, “Well, it’s like, when we make love, there’s no me and no you. Our bodies are like one continuous being.” <br /> I said, “OK, but how about paying some attention to our dick.”
I have never done heroin. I wouldn’t recommend heroin. But it hasn’t hurt my record collection.
In my day, girls used to get pinned in high school. That was the big thing. Now they’re getting nailed.