Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 17
The Bush Administration is always saying, "We don't hear the good news." Yeah, because the journalists are saying, "Cover me, I'm going to the ice machine."
A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
That’s America for you - a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald’s, Marlboro and K Street.
I thought when we elected a black president, we were going to get a black president. You know, BP oil spill is where I want a real black president. I want him in a meeting with the BP CEOs, you know, where he lifts up his shirt so you can see the gun in his pants. That’s - "we’ve got a motherfucking problem here?" Shoot somebody in the foot.
If I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush administration talking points, that's not information or entertainment, it's Fox News!
The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.
Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.
And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.
I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.