Billy Crystal Quotes and Jokes


It's more important to look good than to feel good.

Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going to look, the best I'm ever going to feel, the best I'm ever going to do,' and it ain't that great?

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

To be or... Line!

You look mahvelous!

I've seen worse... It just so happens that your friend here is mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

I fell in love with the right person, a person I know and who knows me.

Don't give up your power.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.

The house smelled of brisket and bourbon. That's the music I grew up on.

Nothing can take the sting off the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other golden statues.

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years... and always grateful that I get another turn to do something.