The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
Buddy Hackett Quotes and Jokes
Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.
Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.
I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.